I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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