i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
