Pregnant stripper...not hot.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Randomize
