I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
