meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
