I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
