now i know why i became what i already was.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize