that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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