Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
