You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Randomize
