some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
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