What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
