first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
This baby is an asshole
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
