Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
