Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
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