I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
