I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
why is half of my head shaved?
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