Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
no you cant smoke seaweed
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Randomize
