i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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