i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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