I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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