In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
