Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize
