It's like God shit irony all over that family
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
