dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
