She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Randomize
