I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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