my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
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