one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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