It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
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