I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
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