Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
