I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
