oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
