and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
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