Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize