I think my vagina is haunted
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Randomize
