dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
