I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
