Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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