So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
