Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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