my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
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