He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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