you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
