At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize