I want to walk on stilts...naked
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
