Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
