It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
