you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Tell her she can't have a vagina
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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