ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
