I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
