he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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