WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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