Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
