Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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