Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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