how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
