I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
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