Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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