So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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