he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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