I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
