My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
