shes about as inviting as chlamydia
it was like his penis was on wheels.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
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