I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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