We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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